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Containing 4,827 Articles Spanning 341 Topics Ex-Mormon News, Stories And Recovery Online Since January 1, 2005 |
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 | Friday, May 26, 2006, at 01:01 AM In Our Stake, The Singles Over 30 Were All "Kicked Out" Of The Singles' Ward Original Author(s): Deenie, the dreaded single adult THE SINGLE WARDS -Guid- | ↑ |
| In our stake, the singles over 30 were all 'kicked out' of the singles' ward ("because they were enjoying it too much"), and all over-30 singles activities were abruptly stopped. The leadership said they were going to "force us out of our complacency." This implied, of course, that we all had suitable companions lined up and waiting, and were just sitting around, staying single for the thrill of it all. One guy I knew tried to make up a singles' directory, so folks could keep in touch--and he was called in to his bishop and chewed out.
However, our stake did a quick 360° turn, when they realized that the singles were *not* giving in and marrying the first person they saw; instead, most of us just quit church activity altogether, and found other ways to fill our time. After the "signles' activities" were re-instituted (occasional dinners, firesides, and one trip to a museum...yawn...and all under the 'watchful eye' of a married couple!!!), I got a phone call inviting me to a dinner & fireside. I said I wasn't interesed. The woman on the phone--married, BTW, but 'hosting' the event--got this shrill, shreiking tone to her voice, and said, "But you HAVE to come!! The church is putting on these activities for YOU, the SINGLES!! You HAVE to come! It's your DUTY!" I just sorta chuckled, and said, "No, I don't...I'm really not interested. I have other things I plan on doing that night..." I'm not sure *exactly* when the tide turned, but, somewhere along the line, the church leadership started to think that single people were staying single on purpose--just because they "liked it." That has amused me from day one. No one, NO ONE, could possibly like being single in the mormon church. You'd have to be a total fool. They treat you like slime. Sometime after we were all thrown out of the singles' ward, though, they replaced all of the *unmarried* single adult reps with *married couples,* saying that the activities needed 'chaperones.' I was so angry that I could hardly see straight (I was well on my way out, by this time). Chaperones? For adults 30+ years old? For adults who were attending a church OF THEIR OWN FREE WILL?? For people who held down jobs, owned their own homes and cars, some of whom had children from previous marriages, etc.? CHAPERONES?? Observation that Dallin Oaks has told folks to get their butts out there and get married comes as no surprise to me. As long as you have the correctly corresponding body parts, the church is happy to marry you off. The situation in that area has not changed. |
| | Tuesday, May 30, 2006, at 07:43 AM The Singles Ward Epidemic Original Author(s): Deconstructor THE SINGLE WARDS -Guid- | ↑ |
| It's little wonder that the church has started preaching again that young adults get married.
I think it's primarily their concern that young adults will have sex outside of marriage and drop out of the church. This whole "hanging out" business is foreign to the church's operating mode. The institution wasn't set up to deal with what has happened to society. Singles wards were originally designed to get young people married, but that isn't working anymore. The fact is, "single wards" have become an epidemic in the church. Even at BYU there are more and more singles wards and fewer couples wards. And the members in the singles wards aren't "graduating" to marriage as much as they used to. They like staying single and "hanging out" which probably leads to all kinds of morality problems for the church to deal with. Members that have pre-marital sex are less likely to stay in the fold long-term. Even two decades ago when they started, the church leadership viewed singles wards as a "necessary evil" to keep young people active in the church. They cause a host of problems but it's better than losing the young adults entirely. The church system wasn't designed for what's been happening to our society. The modern church was designed for the 1950s when the youth got married during college (for females even sooner). Now there is this hole in the church system where members grow up and don't get married and therefore don't fit in home wards. So what is the church to do? Either they relax the pre-marrital sex rules (which I think some local leaders have already done on their own) or they push people to get married younger and then assimilate into home wards. As we see, the church is trying to make the members fit their old model. But for the church to continue to grow its going to have to adapt more to the situation. But how? |
| | Monday, May 2, 2011, at 07:28 AM Perspective From A YSA On Ward Hopping And Other Related Topics Original Author(s): commonsense THE SINGLE WARDS -Guid- | ↑ |
| I find the comments from Elder Ballard interesting to say the least. I am a YSA who will soon to be kicked out of my YSA ward due to the age restricton (18-30). In my case, my assigned ward is quite small with only 70 or so people attending. If I read between the lines, I am to find a marriage partner from such a small population pool. Forget the fact that many of them would be too young for me to marry in the first place.
As far as ward hopping, I will continue to do that at least twice a month. If I am to get married, then I need to find the right age bracket that works for me. A few people I have spoken to about ward hopping say they will continue to do the same thing. (Last time I looked most LDS buildings said "Vistors Welcome"). Now, If I am on Elder Ballard's radar screen for ward hopping, so be it. Perhaps, I could even meet with him to give my take for what is actually happening at the ground floor. I am not sure how they can identify me in the first place unless they start asking for ID for every Church service one attends. :) It may have to come that if there serious about putting people on the radar screen :) My biggest contention is the Church is not treating the root-cause for why so many YSAs go in-active, are not getting married, or those who are getting married why they are getting divorced in high numbers. If you do not treat the root-cause for the failure in the system, then you are simply re-arranging the chairs on the Titanic in false hopes the ship will not sink. In Quality Engineering, it a common saying that 80% of failures are systematic based. If that applies to religon, then 80% of failures (i.e., in-activity, divorce, lack of marriage, high depression rates, etc.) can be attributed to failure in the system (the Church). Ergo, the Church needs to really figure out the root-cause. Of course, such an undertaking, is never an easy thing for any Organization to do because you really have to address the facts and realities as they really are. I have found greater mental wellness in learning to take charge in my life. I will not relinquish my right of agency to no one. After all, Agency is a gift from God so only God himself can take back that gift. If YSAs need to do some ward hopping to find a suitable marriage companion, than more power to those YSAs. |